Embracing Choice

Hello friends, it’s been quite some time since i wrote something a little more personal. Sometimes, it’s easier to write about others and their troubles and remove yourself from the spotlight to regroup. Maybe you won’t want to read, maybe you will. Maybe it’ll mean something to you or maybe it’ll just be the ramblings of some stranger. I happened across this saying on a facebook friend’s status and found myself (internally) pumping fist in the air and shrieking at the top of my lungs (again internally) the words “DAMN STRAIGHT!!” in reaction to the “I Choose” spiel that i had just read. But then, i began to think to myself that there was some sort of cosmic pull or some time shift (sorry, admitted trekkie fan over here) holding me back. Realizing that it was my inner self ruining my “AHA” moment, i felt myself getting superbly pissed of at my overzealous psyche horning in on all those warm and fuzzy feelings. But then, like a punch in the gut,

Prisoner # 326390

Joran Van Der Sloot, now prisoner 326390

June 14, 2010 – Friends and others who have chronicled the life of murder suspect Joran van der Sloot say he’s led a life of deception, dissolution, and increasing desperation, ABC News reported.

Van der Sloot, just 22, has been the only suspect in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway May 30, 2005, and was recently arrested in Peru on charges of murder of 21-year-old Stephany Flores – five years to the day.

The Exploits and Misadventures of Onion Boy-5

The layers of deception run deep.

Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…

Enter New Year’s eve 2000, the new millenium, our new start…or so I’d been led to believe.

The Exploits and Misadventures of Onion Boy-4

The layers of deception run deep.

Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…

This saga picks up where #3 left off, end of November ’99.

The Exploits and Misadventures of Onion Boy-3

The layers of deception run deep.

Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…

This installment of the O.B. saga took place in late November/early December 1999.

The Exploits and Misadventures of Onion Boy-2

Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…

In and around the summer of 1992,

The Exploits and Misadventures of Onion Boy

Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…

Manipulation is Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse causes deep scars that can take years to heal.

Being the victim of manipulation is a slippery slope of mind-bending and life-altering compromise. Perhaps compromise is not the correct word as it suggests an agreed upon course of action. However, the agreement is jaded in that you have been persuaded by someone who knows what buttons to push to coerce you into agreement. You knowingly make the decision but the facts have been skewed to lead you in a certain direction. In order to play this game, the manipulator must know you very well. This again is a double-edged sword because you will trust this person implicitly to have your best interests at heart. There are manipulators in every facet of life. Your workplace, your home, your relatives, your partner or your friends.

Our New Addition Has Arrived!

Yes, our new baby is finally on the scene and ready to shake, rattle and roll. The latest, long-awaited culmination of the Cheatbuster meets Victoria saga. The baby’s name is Cheateralert and we’re really proud to announce to the world that it’s going to kick up a little bit of a fuss. Forgive the baby comparisons; but you couldn’t have a happier bunch of parents as the ones who’ve been spending night and day working to get the site up and running. We’ll have some bumps and burps along the way while we tweak the beta version of our site to make it a user-friendly place to spend time; so easy a baby could do it. Here’s a run-down of some of the novel ideas and how we think that dating and relationships can benefit from Cheateralert.

• People can register their relationships, both past and present, in easy to follow steps. (We suggest that you go ahead and check the box that will send a notifying email to your spouse re: the registration, but if you prefer to keep this to yourself, there are certainly instances where that may be preferable.) But that’s not the really great part! What makes this special is that should anyone else register a relationship with your spouse an email alert will show up in your inbox. It will be entirely up to you if you want to contact this individual privately through your email. This can remove a lot of doubt and lies by removing the cheater from the conversation.
• One of the great features of the site is the ability to let someone know anonymously that they have a player on their hands. Using the “Informant” tab, you have the freedom in a private and completely untraceable way, to let a good friend know that their partner has been stepping out on them. It’s a horrible predicament to be in. It’s a case of “damned if you do; damned if you don’t”. Now Cheateralert will look after it for you. Simple solution to a terrible dilemma.
• Our “Life” articles will provide insights on a variety of different issues and topics in order for us to achieve understanding, healing and lasting relationships. We’re interested in providing our readers with a wide choice of reading and personal interest articles.  We welcome you to post your comments and rate the posts so that we can better serve you.
• Cheateralert initially provides forums on love and relationships but be sure and watch for us to expand that into health, beauty and fitness down the road in our “Talk” section.
• Our advice panel is ready and waiting for your questions in the “Ask Her” and “Ask Him” areas of the website. We not only want to help you bust those cheats, our goal is also to help you answer some of life’s pressing problems and offer some solutions along the way.
• I’ve saved the best for last. If you have had a relationship that has been troubled by a low-down, cheating spouse. You can now BUST ‘EM on our website. You will have the ability to globally warn others about your cheating, abusive, lying spouse or partner. We have a safeguard in place for you as well. If you find that you’ve been misinformed after busting your partner; you have the option of UN-BUSTING them. We will stress at this time that it is very important that you are sure of the facts before making your “citizen’s arrest” on the site.

We’ve worked hard to get our baby “up and running”; we hope you drop in to register your relationship. Good, bad or somewhere in between? All relationships are welcome! Come join us, let us help you protect yourself from deception and hurt so that you can move on and enjoy the other things that life has to offer!

www.cheateralert.com

Nutshell Psychology

Ever notice how people you try and explain your past situation to just do NOT get it. You can tell if you’re watching their facial expressions or some kind of hollow sound in their voice. I’m a firm believer in the thought that in order to get past your crap in the past, you need to talk to someone who REALLY gets it!

Signs of Abuse

The Blame Game

I love dealing with my ex (she rolls her eyes). It seems that everyone but himself is responsible for what has happened in the past. In a recent correspondence; he took great pleasure in ripping apart his daughter who, I might add, gave him every benefit of all doubt in order to have a relationship with him. He was so non-existent in her day-to-day routine as a child and in her growing years; she is now questioning a lot of things with regard to their relationship. Now, I may be way off base here, but I don’t think so…a parent who cares in this position should be able to take a hit or two in the interest of seeing their child through a rough time of reconciling the past and putting the old demons to bed. Right? 

A Tale Of 2 Women

What happens when east meets west; when the polar opposites with so much in common meet on common ground. One might expect sparks to fly and certainly they may have if not for the passage of time and the unanswered questions hanging in the balance.

A Clever Chameleon

Col. Russ Williams (shown centre)

Eastern Ontario was appalled and shocked to find themselves in the geographic centre of a military upset. This is not the typical military upset; quite the opposite in fact. A senior officer who was being groomed for the highest ranks in the military has been arrested on 2 first degree murder charges as well as 2 earlier counts of forcible confinement and sexual assault. Four young women; one clever chameleon. Many are shocked because this upstanding, community and military minded gentleman does not fit the perceived stereotype of the serial killer.

L.O.S.E.R.

A girl was out with friends having drinks on King St  (in Toronto).  This guy approaches her and won’t leave her alone – saying how cute she is. She finally gives in and hands the guy her business card to get rid of him.                                                                      
                                                                             
These are the TWO voicemails this guy left.
This goes down in the history books – especially the second voice mail. 

After hearing them you can clearly see why she didn’t call him back – instead she called in to a local radio station & had them play this on the air. 

Fear and Loathing

It’s a sad state of affairs, when the person that you would have and did quite literally everything for, becomes the object of fear and loathing. It was NO easy feat to arrive at this point, let me tell you. But, nevertheless, here I am. I was a pawn surely and completely from the second I walked into his life as a 15 year old. Now that he’s 46and after a life of abusing, manipulating and cheating on women, I find myself wondering if he has ANY boundaries whatsoever. It’s very concerning when you consider the women he’s encountered in his life, what he’s done to destroy them and the ones that he has yet to suck into his black hole of need.

No More Warnings!

The brand spankin’ new ”Distracted Drivers” ban came into effect today. Whether or not this will help the myriad of distractions that drivers face while behind the wheel we’ll have to wait and see. Preliminary statistics show that the accident percentage of those using hands-free devices is actually every bit as high as the hand held  percentage. Unfortunately in this day and age there are too many other distracting problems that people have behind the wheel; it just not cell phones. The ban includes any hand-held device such as mp3 players too, but what about the fatigued or preoccupied driver? Are they not every bit as dangerous on the road?
 
Initially, when this talk of the new law started, I was thinking that it would seriously cramp the style of those persons who conduct their affairs via their cell phone….but then the push came to swing everyone over to the hands-free contraptions that are mandatory for those in sales or wanting to keep in touch with the office. I wonder how much the common cheater is affected by the ongoing juggling match to keep all their “affairs” in order? How do they keep it straight in their minds without running someone off the road. If we’re looking at my ex for example. (My apologies, when I’m looking for bad examples to illustrate, he pops into my mind)

Souls 4 Sale

It’s amazing how available we make our souls in this day and age. Nobody is unaware totally that there are persons lurking around out there who will happily trade our souls and good faith and cash it in for their own gains. I’m not talking about relationships where there is a balance of give and take, but rather the ones in which you give, give, give.

Finding Answers

I found in this process of dealing with the woes of the past that I kept coming up against the same old mental blocks. If you’ve been following the blog, you will know that my ex was rather fond of not giving straight answers and in many instances telling almost total fabrications with just enough truth to keep you guessing. Maybe the proper word is second-guessing. That was an ongoing pattern for almost the entire time I knew this man and still would be today had I not taken matters into my own hands.

Excuses and Explanations

One of the hardest things to let go of for me was the feeling of failure that I had over the failure of my marriage. True it was not my fault that my ex had a sociopathic lifestyle; however I would often re-visit how I could have done things differently. As a teen was I too innocent and was my self-esteem so low that I couldn’t see the writing on the wall with my relationship to him? Or was it simply the case that I loved too much and too blindly? When I look back now almost 30 years later,