Practical Tips for Catching Lying and Cheating:
Some or all of these can be used to prove that there is something going on!
- KEEP A JOURNAL LOG OF REPORTED ACTIVITIES. Track times, dates, places, other people involved, excuses given, any information! You’ll need this in order to compare that with phone bills, credit card statements, ATM withdrawals, what other people say, etc. A cheater will change his story when he feels he needs to, or worse yet, will question your memory. KEEP TRACK OF EVERYTHING!
- MONITOR PHONE CALLS! Watch all incoming phone calls and record the time and number of all calls.
- BREAK UP THE ROUTINE! Plan a surprise visit to his work, bring some work home with you so you can come home from work at unexpected times, or make a big deal about having to work late, but then come home early, etc.
- WATCH FOR BILLS THAT DON’T MAKE SENSE! Keep track of your spouse’s mileage, receipts, credit card statements, ATM withdrawals, phone records, etc. Wherever possible get detailed billing on your phone bill; cell phones make it really easy to carry on a separate life.
- If you can, CHECK YOUR SPOUSES CALL LOG! Look for an unusual amount or regular phone calls (first thing in morning/last calls of the evening-the goodnight calls to the third party). Cheaters will often hide these phone numbers under the names of co-workers, family members or friends.
- PURCHASE SURVEILLANCE EQUIPMENT (hidden cameras and voice activated recorders, GPS hardware are also available) or download computer monitoring software which will make it easier for you to monitor your spouse’s activities. Since using equipment like this raises some legal issues, it’s best to use these only to gain your proof and then allow a professional to take over.
- DON’T CONFRONT YOUR SPOUSE WITHOUT PROOF! Get enough evidence to make your case but don’t reveal all of your evidence at once. Most cheaters will try to make up a story to fit the evidence. If you have withheld some evidence, it will then give you the chance to see if there’s more to the deception. Another plus is that your spouse will start to question exactly how much you know, and consequently might actually tell you the truth. If you’re worried about your safety, don’t confront him! Remove yourself and children from the home!
- BE READY FOR THE EXCUSES! Ahead of time think about how your spouse might try to explain (we were just joking around, I was just flirting, it was a misunderstanding, we are just friends, nothing happened.). If you can anticipate how your spouse will respond, you can try to gather the evidence you need to counter what he says.
- ABOVE ALL TRY TO KEEP A COOL HEAD! Try to put your emotions aside in order to complete the task at hand. Get your proof first; as much as you can get your hands on! Getting emotionally distraught will make it easier for him to lie to you. (the practiced cheater will say anything and do everything to make you believe him) He will prey on your hope at this time, be very cautious, as the cheater will often blame another party other than himself.