These are excerpts from my relationship with my ex. Situations that when I look at them now, I shake my head and wonder how I could have been brainwashed so utterly and completely!
What Happened: My child and I moved from a Brampton basement apartment into our new house, a nice little semi-detached in Mississauga, when she was around 3 1/2 years old. Be mindful as you’re reading this that she called her father by his first name until she was around 2 1/2. He was such a doting father figure…if you are sensing sarcasm here, you are very intuitive. To move the story along, we set up our new home, definitely not fancy but homey for sure. He had been living with another woman, this I knew. It was my understanding that this (according to him) was a bad relationship filled with arguments and stalking….again, blah, blah. A while back, he had informed me that it was over and he was moving in with his parents, visually it appeared he had done so. I cultivated a new love of gardening and together, my daughter and I made our house a home, making close, lasting friendships with our neighbours. During this time, my ex would drop in or call, the door was always open. Never for long, 1/2 hr here, 15 minutes there. He claimed he was terribly busy at work, always going here and there for meetings…..his phone always close at hand. I never figured out how, but he always managed to keep me on the hook. Hopelessly snared I was. He always promising a new life…..together…..blah, blah….. I honestly believed him, he was very convincing. The Academy Awards should hand out those stupid little trophies for the likes of him and others who seem to make it their life’s work to do this kind of thing…..I would call it the Lifetime Asshole Achievement Award….but then what do I know. Well, I do know one thing, I should have listened to my gut feelings as soon as he said the words…”why don’t you sell this house and we can buy a new house together, this house won’t ever feel like it’s partly mine”….BIG SIRENS SHOULD HAVE GONE OFF! There he was dangling a carrot in front of me. The thought of coming through this as a new, happy family was almost more than I could imagine! We, my daughter and I, had been there for about 3 years by then, we were both very attached to our neighbourhood and friends that we had gotten to know. Against my better judgement AND my gut instinct, I started to consider it. He was fairly persuasive, making numerous phone calls to me at this time, keeping this suggestion alive so much so that I really began to believe it might actually happen. After a time had passed, I told him that I would consider it, as long as we discussed the move together with our daughter. She was understandably upset about the move! BUT, when he suggested that he would be moving in with us as well, you should have seen her eyes light up! That put a totally different slant on things for her. In the next weeks, he would drop by and draw up changes on the building plans, tell her where her room would be, show her where they could make some neat gardens in the back….blah, blah, frickin’ blah! She was getting excited and that was good…I thought. Moving day, came and went, he was nowhere to be found. Days, weeks, months passed, nothing had changed. We were once again heartbroken….what a disaster.
What Really Happened:Unbeknownst to me, there was a whole other saga unfolding. What I found out later, was that he had met a new someone, and was trying to rid himself of the first woman so he could move in with the 2nd other woman….Have I lost you yet?? Let me try to explain it to you so you can understand….He was screwing around with all three of us, only we all got different shades of his story. Mine was he had to get away (complete with tears and a lot of boo-hooing from him about how he screwed up my life) from the crazy, stalking woman (other woman #1) and as such found it necessary to start over again and move in with his parents. Other woman #1’s real story was that she kicked him out but he kept coming back there; even breaking down the door if necessary. Not sure what the new other woman was told, but it had to be a good one. The reason I know this is that while I was moving our little family to our new home (to be together), Mr. I’ve Got A Plan was busy renovating and planning to move in with Other Woman #2. And he did……(obviously I found this out much later…over the car business in previous blog)
Boy, what a dum-dum I was…..BIG BOO-BOO on my part!
My daughter was crushed, I felt more betrayed than the first time if you can believe that!
Why did he do that?? Couldn’t tell you, but I’d bet my bottom dollar he had his own agenda.