Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.

What Happens When You Ignore Your Gut Instinct? – 2


These are excerpts from my relationship with my ex. Situations that when I look at them now, I shake my head and wonder how I could have been brainwashed so utterly and completely!

What Happened: My child and I moved from a Brampton basement apartment into our new house, a nice little semi-detached in Mississauga, when she was around 3 1/2 years old. Be mindful as you’re reading this that she called her father by his first name until she was around 2 1/2. He was such a doting father figure…if you are sensing sarcasm here, you are very intuitive. To move the story along, we set up our new home, definitely not fancy but homey for sure. He had been living with another woman,  this I knew. It was my understanding that this (according to him) was a bad relationship filled with arguments and stalking….again, blah, blah. A while back, he had informed me that it was over and he was moving in with his parents, visually it appeared he had done so. I cultivated a new love of gardening and together, my daughter and I  made our house a home, making close, lasting friendships with our neighbours. During this time, my ex would drop in or call, the door was always open. Never for long, 1/2 hr here, 15 minutes there. He claimed he was terribly busy at work, always going here and there for meetings…..his phone always close at hand. I never figured out how, but he always managed to keep me on the hook. Hopelessly snared I was. He always promising a new life…..together…..blah, blah….. I  honestly believed him, he was very convincing. The Academy Awards should hand out those stupid little trophies for the likes of him and others who seem to make it their life’s work to do this kind of thing…..I would call it the Lifetime Asshole Achievement Award….but then what do I know. Well, I do know one thing, I should have listened to my gut feelings as soon as he said the words…”why don’t you sell this house and we can buy a new house together, this house won’t ever feel like it’s partly mine”….BIG SIRENS SHOULD HAVE GONE OFF! There he was dangling a carrot in front of me. The thought of coming through this as a new, happy family was almost more than I could imagine! We, my daughter and I, had been there for about 3 years by then, we were both very attached to our neighbourhood and friends that we had gotten to know. Against my better judgement AND  my gut instinct, I started to consider it. He was fairly persuasive, making numerous phone calls to me at this time, keeping this suggestion alive so much so that I really began to believe it might actually happen. After a time had passed, I told him that I would consider it, as long as we discussed the move together with our daughter. She was understandably upset about the move! BUT, when he suggested that he would be moving in with us as well, you should have seen her eyes light up! That put a totally different slant on things for her. In the next weeks, he would drop by and draw up changes on the building plans, tell her where her room would be, show her where they could make some neat gardens in the back….blah, blah, frickin’ blah! She was getting excited and that was good…I thought. Moving day, came and went, he was nowhere to be found. Days, weeks, months passed, nothing had changed. We were once again heartbroken….what a disaster.

What Really Happened:Unbeknownst to me, there was a whole other saga unfolding. What I found out later, was that he had met a new someone, and was trying to rid himself of the first woman so he could move in with the 2nd other woman….Have I lost you yet?? Let me try to explain it to you so you can understand….He was screwing around with all three of us, only we all got different shades of his story. Mine was he had to get away (complete with tears and a lot of boo-hooing from him about how he screwed up my life) from the crazy, stalking woman (other woman #1) and as such found it necessary to start over again and move in with his parents. Other woman #1’s real story was that she kicked him out but he kept coming back there; even breaking down the door if necessary. Not sure what the new other woman was told, but it had to be a good one. The reason I know this is that while I was moving our little family to our new home (to be together), Mr. I’ve Got A Plan was busy renovating and planning to move in with Other Woman #2. And he did……(obviously I found this out much later…over the car business in previous blog)

Boy, what a dum-dum I was…..BIG BOO-BOO on my part!

My daughter was crushed,  I felt more betrayed than the first time if you can believe that!

Why did he do that?? Couldn’t tell you, but I’d bet my bottom dollar he had his own agenda.


3 thoughts on “What Happens When You Ignore Your Gut Instinct? – 2

  1. Is it me or do others stay up nights to read the next chapter. You have me spellbound with what’s next. I know one day there will be a movie.

    Don’t Stop. Thanks for letting us into your life

  2. Wow I have just come across your blog doing some research in my attempt to start a blog on ‘surviving a sociopath’. Your story so parallels mine it is frightening. I too lived in Mississauga then moved to Milton buying a home with a sociopath who promised me the moon and the stars. He has defrauded me for $100,000 and I am now again in court this week coming to try and recover some money. This man sounds very familiar and the lies very familiar also – wouldn’t it be interesting if I had been another of his victims as you were. Please respond if you wish to communicate further. I plan on starting a blog – I know too that this man is getting married again soon – how I would love to save this woman the pain – just like I wish I had been advised. If you do not wish to communicate I totally understand the pain is incredible and it is now 2 years later and I am just starting to stand up and breath – no money left and left without a home and living with family. Good wishes to you and your healing.

    • Thank you for your post! I’m truly sorry that you have gone through this in your life. When I first started this blog, I really didn’t have a clue how much healing I had yet to do. My experiences span over the last 20 years while having been associated with this man. We met in highschool and dated for 8 years before getting married…I have a (now) 16 year old with this man and the fun just keeps on coming. But each day, each year I take back something that he took from me over those years…in an emotional sense. Unfortunately he’s still on the prowl and has remarried in oct. and they are (if you’ve done some reading on the blog) now expecting her first child….what a shame that this man doesn’t have the capability to make a good husband OR father. I’m glad that you have your family around you right now, don’t look at it as a bad thing that you’ve resorted to living with them. Think of it as your interim support system and know that you and your well-being are important to them….

      btw – I posted a sociopath video on you-tube if you haven’t seen it yet, it will be very interesting to you….

      Take care of yourself! You sound like you’re getting back on track again….hang in there, it’s definitely a process…and know that you’ve got someone out there that you can drop a line to…don’t hesitate to email me directly! I’d love to hear from you.

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