We’ve all heard the saying; don’t judge a book by the cover. We see some one on the streets begging for money, do we judge? Some do no doubt; forgetting that this person was someone’s child, father, mother, grandparent. That this person may have had a life previous to this that was productive and good. How can we readily jump to any conclusions?….Now, let’s look at this scenario in the reverse. If we are as willing to accept the homeless person as a bad person based on visual appearances; are we as equally blind when it comes to dealing with a person who dresses well and plays the part well. I think so.
Lets take my ex for example. We lived 10 min. away from each other for 9 1/2 years, the door was always open…..yet why was this man not more involved in his child’s life? He wanted to set up the weekend visits at 3 1/2 years; unfortunately there was not a basis to build that relationship on, as all previous visits were so short and few. When our child showed signs of duress at the suggestion of overnight stays (incontinence long after having been trained); I voiced these concerns to my ex letting him know that she needed to build more of a relationship with him prior to continuation of these over-nighters for her comfort level. Thus, hoping that he would take more time from his schedule for her. This did not change anything, the visits in fact were less and less over time. Unfortunately, he would call when it was convenient for him or when he had a function where he could take her and “show her off”. This continues to be the case; what a shame. This is a beautiful, kind, smart young lady who deserves respect from her father but he is not capable of this. Outwardly, he is the doting father to his friends, family, co-workers. Because he pays child-support, he thinks this disqualifies him from the “dead-beat” dad category. He wants to take her to expensive places where he can spend a lot of money to prove his worth; all this young lady wants is a movie night at home, order a pizza, go bowling, time to visit one-to-one, etc (she has explained this to him as have I)….Now I ask you, why does he feel the need to do this? Is he trying to make up for lost time, or is it more a case of self-validation? When he takes her to big functions, does he not look good from other people’s perspective?? Now let’s add to this scenario, a physically/psychologically abusive past that his parents and family hide from the world and prospective new love interests. I am aware that he has taken money from others in order to provide lavishly for his parents, siblings and himself. Outwardly he has represented himself as the following: a good son, a good brother, a good father, a good boyfriend. But in his wake, he has left destruction. Nobody sees this because he always keeps a support system in place that will back him up, if someone is willing to tell the truth, they are either disregarded as crazy or shunned by the family with more lies. If you play your part well you are accepted; if you don’t – you’re out!
When we are exploring the whole “book and its cover” deal, would we not be better served in life if we delve deeper into a situation that we perceive is too good to be real. The layer of dishonesty that it takes to create this web of lies has got to be stripped away, and that my friends is when you can look at the real and honest picture and thus form your own opinions.