I’m a firm believer that people can always change. Cheaters are no different. I’m convinced that whether or not a cheater can change is completely up to that particular individual. We need to really HEAR the reasons the cheater gives for their past infidelity as those explanations can help determine if they really want to change or if they might do it again. It’s tough to do, for the new, unsuspecting partner to sort out. I believe it’s imperative that they listen as objectively as they are able and not immediately become a “yes-man” taking the side automatically. There must be some sort of strong resolve to get to the bottom of it; for both parties concerned. The cheater MUST have the conviction to do much soul-searching and accept the responsibility for their actions fully and completely.
Some people cope with tough times in their relationships by seeking outside excitement. If cheating is a coping mechanism; it will probably require therapy to address the issues and develop good and proper coping skills. If this type of cheater doesn’t get help the chances are good they will do it again.
The cheater may just be immature and grow out of the cheating urge. This is common in teens and young adults. Peer pressure can make them get in to a relationship before they are really ready. These types of cheaters are less likely to do it again.
Other cheaters cheat because they can. If they have repeatedly cheated and been forgiven chances are good that the cheating won’t stop. It has become a part of the dynamics of their relationship. The only way to beat this cycle is with individual and couples therapy.
Still concerned?…..with good reason! No matter what reasons a cheater gives a new partner for their past infidelity the reality is that this is a person who is comfortable betraying the trust of an intimate partner.
Don’t let your heart lead you to overlook this major character flaw.