Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.

Trust Of The Innocent

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“The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool.” – Stephen King

in·no·cence (in′ə səns) noun

the quality or state of being innocent;

  1. freedom from sin or moral wrong
  2. freedom from legal guilt
  3. freedom from guile or cunning; simplicity
  4. lack of sophistication; naiveté
  5. harmlessness
  6. ignorance

How true is this. One thing I’ve found through personal experience. Unfortunate but true. The really unfortunate thing is that those closest to you are in a perfect place to do the most damage. If you are lucky enough to be surrounded by genuinely good people; count your blessings! For those that are not; I have been there. Let me clarify. My family is tremendously supportive. I saw complete contrasts in my life in regards to family dynamics. Life at home in no way prepared me for my dealing with the other side; “the dark side”….lol. Unknown to me, my appearance at the family functions was preceded by lies about me. It’s really difficult to explain these scenarios; because they really lose weight when you try to write them down years later. Basically he had lied to his parents about me and he had lied to me about his parents. So this was a glorious way to start out a relationship. Both parties having preconceived notions and false ideas planted in their heads. WHY was this necessary? Is it because he could? Is it because he was afraid to tell his Italian parents that he was involved with a “mangacake” (non-Italian)? Had I known the deception early on in our relationship; it would have been clear to me that our relationship was doomed from the beginning. This ex of mine cleverly kept both sides alienated “just so”  and then this enabled him to feed lies whenever it suited his purposes. The scope of the lies was unfathomable. So much so, in fact, that I’m still learning of some of them to this day! Keep in mind that our relationship goes back to 1981…..that’s quite a few years and quite a few lies ago.

In looking back, perhaps the greatest influence on my ex was his mother. Not in a good way, in my estimation. One story to share with you….my ex (on the floor) and his girlfriend (on the couch) in her living room watching TV in their skivvies. No knock on the door, nothing…in marches mama and papa. Not great already, right? So, mama’s sitting there on the couch running her bare feet across her son’s bare back (keep in mind folks that the guy is only wearing his underwear), through his hair, playing with his feet…..pretty weird, huh?? Keep in mind that this guy is around 35 years old at the time and he LETS his mother do this. What kind of a mother is she that she would think this is normal behaviour and interaction with her almost naked 35 year old son? Freud would have fun analyzing this family……..ok, let’s think about this a minute.  We now know about this situation…..but we also know the propensity for lies and withholding of information that this family has. Doesn’t it make you wonder what else has gone on that they’re not talking about?

Maybe it’s just me and the fact that I’ve been so badly jaded by my experience with them…..don’t know. All I have are my gut instincts and they’re throwing off sirens to this day.  Maybe in all of this there are no innocents, I don’t like to believe this. I’ve always been a staunch supporter of believing the best in people before I even consider the worst. I guess maybe in part my thinking this way probably closed my eyes to some of the hints that I may have picked up along the way.  Wanting to believe somebody you love is not capable of what the vibes are telling you……well, that in itself is a powerful blocker too. Maybe when I think of it like this…perhaps there really aren’t any innocents. Then, do we have to examine the purpose behind our reasons? If your reasons are honourable, does the end justify the means. Possibly…..

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