Hmm…if you’ve been dumped, cheated on or lied to; it may seem that the direct opposite is true. Being the worthy and honest “dumpee” can leave the victim disheartened to say the least. Maybe it seems like you can do nothing right!
I think perhaps initially we let the heartache and pain take us for a ride. If we have the ability or can gain the immediate wisdom (granted this usually does not happen right away in a long term relationship), we could clearly see that we are much better off without the loser and his/her dramatics in our lives. Unfortunately, the regular person gets mired down in the gloom and doom….and the psyche of the victim usually takes some good hits before it has a chance to rationalize and deal with the resulting emotions. So, what can we do? My guess is the work is something we have to do on our own; however never rule out that other people who have been in similar situations might have something to offer you. It’s very easy to get mired in your self-pity and misery; but don’t be afraid to share your thoughts and feelings. Those close to you may have figured things out before they dropped on your lap; to close them out while you “brood” can hurt your loved ones as well. They may be waiting for you to come forward because they respect you and do not want to intrude. DO NOT mistake this respect for lack of caring!
So, you’ve been cheated on or dumped….how do you get you better emotionally. Well, AFTER you start to share with those close to you, the burden will start to ease. Then you need to find something that you enjoy to do……something that is totally for you. Your end result may to be a better person so you can be a better, more stable parent for your children…WHATEVER….just get out and get doing something that brings you some happiness and contentment. Maybe it’s as simple as a new hobby for you, a gym membership, group therapy or a book club….YOU need to do this for YOU! Being a better person for your kids is a great long-term goal. If you become a more confident and happy individual then you will be that better person for your kids automatically…..so focus on you! You’re worth it!
You will realize not long after you begin this process; that yes, you were dumped or treated like crap BUT your former spouse or partner was the loser on that score. So I guess the old saying is true….cheaters never do prosper. Your goals will be long-term emotional healing; the cheater is too busy to figure that out! By the time they do figure it out; you’ll have left them in the rearview window.