Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.

Fear and Loathing

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It’s a sad state of affairs, when the person that you would have and did quite literally everything for, becomes the object of fear and loathing. It was NO easy feat to arrive at this point, let me tell you. But, nevertheless, here I am. I was a pawn surely and completely from the second I walked into his life as a 15 year old. Now that he’s 46and after a life of abusing, manipulating and cheating on women, I find myself wondering if he has ANY boundaries whatsoever. It’s very concerning when you consider the women he’s encountered in his life, what he’s done to destroy them and the ones that he has yet to suck into his black hole of need. But what about his 16 year old daughter.  It’s all well and good to say he’d never harm his daughter. I believe that to be true; at least physically. What about her emotional well-being? This man is not only capable of, he has actually physically and emotionally battered grown women. These are not women who are defenseless. These are not women who do not know what their options or choices are at the onset. These are women who have had decent upbringings, good jobs, responsible jobs, etc. He has whittled away their self-esteem day in and day out so much so that these women are either active and knowing pawns in his charades or so beaten up internally that they no longer no which way to turn. What are my responsibilities as a parent? When you consider what cards I alone have been dealt with this man and knowing his penchant for using women to his advantage, does not make me rest easy at night knowing that he has a young female daughter.

It’s amazing to me that for at least a few years, this man denied being a father. Then, when it suited his purposes and ingratiated himself with the other woman, then he professed an undying and unmatched love for his daughter. This was primarily because the woman pushed him to have a relationship with his daughter. So this served two purposes; It shut me up about how he didn’t see his daughter enough and it placated and proved to the 2nd woman how devoted he was and what a good guy he was. When he had taken all he could take from that first woman. He drained her dry of all her resources and beaten her until the cops came on numerous occasions.  he moved on with the 2nd woman who he already had on the hook. During this time, he had very little contact with his daughter. There would be times that a month, month and a half would pass by with no contact from him. It seemed to me that he didn’t need her for any purposes. But the really unfortunate thing about this is that his daughter was old enough to see this unfolding and knew from a young age that she was important in his life but not important enough to work on a relationship. Being with this 2nd woman for 8+ years made a tremendously negative impact on our daughter. He will never get it. He is the quintessential charmer; social and proficient at making light of his shortcomings. He has always been confident that her “issues” with him are trivial and on several instances voiced this to me. However, he was never around to see the pain in that young face and soothe her tears at night….or anything. Last year, he started being a little more devoted to his daughter, (we would at least hear from him within the month) and it appeared that for once he was operating solely and completely without an agenda. HMMM…..that should have been my heads-up…but it wasn’t. He was always able to play on my hopes that he’d become or grow into a worthy and good individual for his daughter. So we moved forward with renewed hope….Enter the latest woman. Very nice person, smart, a businesswoman, very together type of individual. He’s obviously enamoured by her and working very hard to get her in his court. Because she’s a family oriented individual, his daughter now becomes important to him. For once in his daughter’s lifetime; he begins making a point of being at more than one baseball game per season. Who does he bring along in tow? You guessed it…. the new woman. (even though he professes that she has a long-time boyfriend out west). So he’s wooing her by dangling the “good daddy” card out there. He’s quite literally using his daughter as his trump card. The girlfriend buys it hook, line and sinker. Dumps the so-called boyfriend and marries the ex. Now, one thing that you don’t know about my ex is that he has the “monkey” complex. You’ll know it when I describe it. Until he has firmly latched on to the next victim; he doesn’t let the previous one off the hook. So knowing the history about this man would make one seriously doubt the timeline. If history repeats itself, and we know it does, chances are the “long distance boyfriend” story was just a way of making sure that he had all his ducks in a row with the new one before relinquishing the old one totally. NIIIICE! Using women is this guy’s best feature. His daughter’s got him figured out.  Too bad it takes us older chicks years and pain to kick the guy to the curb!

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