Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.

The Blame Game

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I love dealing with my ex (she rolls her eyes). It seems that everyone but himself is responsible for what has happened in the past. In a recent correspondence; he took great pleasure in ripping apart his daughter who, I might add, gave him every benefit of all doubt in order to have a relationship with him. He was so non-existent in her day-to-day routine as a child and in her growing years; she is now questioning a lot of things with regard to their relationship. Now, I may be way off base here, but I don’t think so…a parent who cares in this position should be able to take a hit or two in the interest of seeing their child through a rough time of reconciling the past and putting the old demons to bed. Right?  In his epistle, he goes on and on  about how he’s always been there for her and how he has always loved her unconditionally… and then he proceeds to rip her apart about how she could question his loyalty and commitment to her. I don’t mean he gently chastised her either….this was a personal attack on her and her thoughts. This edict is filled with fictitious facts some of which he doesn’t give her the benefit of the doubt as remembering them….BUT SHE DOES. He continues on to tell her that he hopes that she will resolve “her” issues and become a better person than the person he’s received recent correspondence from. It’s ironic that he’s telling her to resolve her own issues and in a nutshell, he doesn’t accept any blame or shoulder any guilt for his actions that led up to this point. Nor will he let her blame him for any of it, even in the interest of helping her past this stuff so that she isn’t dealing with this the rest of her life. Nice Dad….I use the terminology “dad” loosely. He isn’t even remotely what I would say resembles a responsible adult never mind a father who claims to care and love his daughter unconditionally. Can you spell A-S-S-H-O-L-E boys and girls?? I’m responsible, so is his former mistress who he beat the hell out of, his daughter is too, as is my mother; we’re all responsible. But not Mr. Wonderful….nope, he’s perfect….at least in his eyes. He is an angel, says he….his parents are saints, says he. This is the family who has a lovely chandelier in their dining room. Just beautiful….and it should be….it’s a designer chandelier worth over $3500. But I’m just laying the groundwork for the “juicy tidbit”. This chandelier was one of many items in a storage trailer outside of a home that he was renovating at Doulton Place in Mississauga, Ontario….it went missing one day, the owner flipped out (with every right) and my ex in his constant bid to shift the blame in another direction blamed a former employee for the theft….and now it hangs in his parents dining room. Funny, you’d think that they’d be embarrassed to admit where it came from but they aren’t. They have joked and kidded about the origin of the chandelier. Yup, they’re saints alright! This is one small tidbit in a life full of causing crap and mistreating other people. A “small, tiny little morsel”. You would think that somewhere underneath it all that he could assume some of the baggage that his daughter carries around, but no! He closes by saying that he has given up more than she’ll ever know. He has no guilt and will share no responsibility for any of her questioning. He goes on to say that “the lesson to be learned here is not his to learn”. Nice, really nice. What a kind, supportive, loving father. I was rather proud of how she has handled the situation. She sent him back a reply that immediately brought her some closure on the situation. It was tough and to the point and she made no apologies for how she was feeling. I’m going to support her on this, because she needs me to and also because I think she, like myself, needs to explore and vent in order to heal. After all, she has her entire life to lead….if this is any indication and I think it might be….she is a strong and morally responsible young lady. I’m so proud of her choices in her life; she’s wise beyond her years….Too bad the kid is more of an adult than the man who is her father. When I look back on hers and my life together and the situations that we’ve come up against, I realize that she always was the more adult of the two of them. He’s too wrapped up in creating this perfect fictional fantasy world in which he is the ever-suffering hero….Yuck, I could just puke!

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