I keep coming back to the ability and skill at deceiving that I and others were “graced” with at the hands of my ex. Never would I have imagined in my wildest dreams that he would be capable of this level of deception. The layers were so deep that I’m still finding out new information from a variety of different sources that takes my breath away to this day. Imagine that! Over 15 years ago and I’m still finding out new stuff every week or so from previous workmates, friends and family. Perhaps I’ll refer to him from this point on as Onion Boy; since there are numerous different levels and layers of deception and I am aware firsthand that people around him have a predisposition to end up crying the blues during their relationship with him.
One instance out of many – O.B. had made the car arrangments (if you’ve read the blog you’ll recognize the story – if not, see posts “What Happens When You Ignore Your Gut Instinct”) Up til this point, I had been repeatedly led to believe that the car was a co-workers while he was employed at with a home builder in the Toronto region. Apparently this co-worker wanted to get a roomier vehicle and the car no longer suited her purposes and would I take over her 3-year lease…blah, blah, blah…see the post for the rest.
This particular night, I was having difficulty finding my daughter’s soccer game since it was a new park and after driving around for the longest time trying to find the park, I asked O.B. on the cell phone if he was going to make it to the park to see her game and if he was able to find the park would he please let me know where it was. I was informed that he wanted to be there very badly but “he had a stag to go to”. A few weeks prior, his cell phone bill came in. Having been lied to repeatedly made me question many things that previously I hadn’t. Don’t even get me going on my utter stupidity for getting him a cell phone under my account…I’ll regret that one forever. Anyway, the cell phone bill came in and I had earlier requested the detailed billing feature on this account in order to assuage my concerns or answer my questions or whatever. I zeroed in on a phone number which popped up VERY frequently. Suspicious in their nature, many of these calls were first thing in the morning and last thing at night. HMMM…what would you think. I know what I thought. The good morning call and the love you, miss you, good night calls….BINGO! I dialed the number and got a store in Mississauga which was identified by the person answering the call. Again, I said HMMMM….I did a reverse look up to get the address, printed it off and promptly put it in my purse and put it out of my mind. BUT, that night when for about the 1000th time that he snubbed his daughter’s special activities, etc…something inside me snapped and a loud voice inside of me said “YOU NEED TO FIND OUT FOR SURE”. Had we managed to locate the soccer park at this point, we would have been well into the game. So, we took a detour. My daughter was young and liked to go into stores so this was not an issue that I even had to debate with her nor did I want to. This bit of detective work was for myself, she needed to be none the wiser at 7 years of age. We arrived at the store which was not very far from our home and went in. There was a woman at the counter speaking with another employee and she promptly and politely said ‘Hi” when we walked in (which we acknowledged and returned). I’ve always been a firm believer in the old saying “it’s all about the timing”…wouldn’t you know it, the store phone rang immediately after our greeting and the woman at the counter was forced to answer the phone as opposed to engaging us in conversation. The conversation went something like this – Hi Hun! (she looks toward her co-worker and said it’s ***** (aka O.B.). There was the usual bantering and sweet talk. He must have asked her what she was doing – whether she was staying at the store or going home, because she replied “I’m going to be here for awhile because I need to close up”….she listens and replies “Oh you’re going to a stag?” Pause while he’s feeding her the same general line of baloney that I got to hear only moments before. “Well, have fun and I’ll see you later!” was her reply. Interesting…this is a man who had at least 3-4 stags each month. Wonder who he was screwing around with while he was screwing around on her and on woman #2 and on me.
Interesting, but painful to know that this man was not worthy of the second chance he begged me for….again, gut instinct was ignored and the hurt set in. Onion boy, a free ride to painville, a sure fire way to a broken heart and bucketloads of tears!
Working toward more honest relationships; protect your heart!