Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.

Shades of Abuse

3 Comments

There’s the black and white of physical, financial and sexual abuse; but harder to define and evaluate are the shades of abuse caused by manipulation, lies, and deceit. In small doses, one would have a difficult time identifying these factors as abuse. Tempered by years of a pattern, those same factors take on a definite sinister value. It’s a grandiose spiral of self-doubt and crazy-making that is only rivaled by the abuser’s tenacity and perseverance to their personal cause. These seemingly harmless lies take on a life of their own once the victim allows this to take hold of their life. Their every wish and desire revolves around the wishes and desires of their abuser; all in a vain attempt keeping peace and supporting their partner in their goals. Unfortunately by doing so, they become themselves, a willing victim or enabler of the abuser. The status of the abuser is elevated to such a point where the abuser believes they can do no wrong and indeed in their mind they have done NOTHING wrong. The enabler’s goal is to appease and facilitate the life of their abuser, no matter what the consequences to their own well-being or their sanity. While writing in this blog, the weight of the lies and the debilitation caused over the almost 30 years of deception with this man, the damage has become apparent to myself and to others that have known me over the years. The true freedom of speech has been the baring of the gory and sordid details, even though they demonstrate to the world of how absolutely gullible and foolish that I’ve been over the years. BTW – there are many more tales of woe to add to the Onion Boy series. Almost 30 years worth. But I’ll get to those. Wanting to give each situation the benefit of mention; you can understand that I have my work cut out for me at the computer desk. These long hours are nothing in the general scheme of things. Considerably longer and more painful were the evenings, pregnant and alone, waiting for my husband to come home from “god only knows where” and from screwing “god only knows who”. Well, I’m not god, nor to I profess to be any deity on any level. But I do know things now that shed a whole new light on this individual who was my high school sweetheart, my first love, my best friend, the husband of my only child and the master of my nightmare of a past.

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3 thoughts on “Shades of Abuse

  1. Wow i’m glad i found this site. it’s like a carbon copy of my life with MY ex bf. he always told me i was crazy and that i was over reacting when my gut was telling me one thing – my heart was saying something different. he got his ex wife pregnant after we had been together for 3 years. he roped me into all kinds of things that cost money or credit and ended up having only my name on them. coincidence. i think not, and the whole time he was telling me im crazy ‘cos im imagining it. thanks for the posts. i’ve been checking out the great links here too. it gives me some comfort to know i’m not the loser he told me i was ‘cos there are tons of ppl writing about the same thing. gonna check out that cheater site too!

    • Your not alone. I swore i could never love again and since 2 yrs gone by i have found a man that’s most awesome and loving,yet i struggle with the trust n faith that maybe he won’t break my heart as 1 has so badly the fear of ever going thru the broken bones the crushed heart shattered lies over lies t h e decietful heart he had n still has I can only pray for those who choose to ignore what i gone thru. I pray for everybody that is dealing with the pain that is caused from this type of ppl and the wrong they cause us who love them so much. TEARS from in my eyes as i write this and member the nights id pray for god to just take me and wish u never would feel this pain placed upon my heart my soul,I would sit and pounder was i really that bad of a person that i deserved the abuse the lies the blackened body of bruises and pain so deep. When i did leave him i had to do therapy for the pain was so deep that began to believe some of the things he would beat me for,Yet it was his guilt i got beat for the wrong i found him doing i got verbally abused for bones broken things destoried my family torned so far apart from not being able to trust either. Having been raised in a dysfunctional family o which i was physically abused nearly rapedy my own brother that is still hard on me. U am working on healing my mind body and soul from all I’ve gone thru in life and i know i can with the MAN i have in my life today I love you Gino

      • Angela, i can feel your pain in your words as you’ve written them. I’m sorrier than you can imagine for the suffering that you went thru; real love shouldn’t be at the cost of a broken heart or a battered body. Though your pain is still there, I can see the strength of your words and the power of your conviction! You are stronger than i’m sure you thought you were once upon a time and if i tell you that you’ll only get stronger in future, I hope you understand that. I’m glad that you’ve found the love of a good man; it surely will help you to heal alongside a strong and caring individual that has your back when you’re feeling down and coping with the past issues. My hope for your is that you never give up on your healing and continue working on leaving that pain behind you. It’s a long road, but you’re well on the way. As far as the tears go, let them fly, you need them (and the reason for them) out there and not caught up inside you. Someday, you will surprise yourself and be able to tell your story with few tears or none at all; that’s when you’ll know that the abusive hold that he had over you is finally gone. Congratulations on taking a positive stand. My friend, (I call you my friend, because you’ve shared and bared your soul to me and your story has moved me more than you can know) you are a strong woman, with or without the love of a good (or bad) man. I wish you many joys in future, more than enough joys that will help you to put the past completely in the past and may you completely realize that his faults and actions were not your burden to shoulder. Ever!

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