There’s the black and white of physical, financial and sexual abuse; but harder to define and evaluate are the shades of abuse caused by manipulation, lies, and deceit. In small doses, one would have a difficult time identifying these factors as abuse. Tempered by years of a pattern, those same factors take on a definite sinister value. It’s a grandiose spiral of self-doubt and crazy-making that is only rivaled by the abuser’s tenacity and perseverance to their personal cause. These seemingly harmless lies take on a life of their own once the victim allows this to take hold of their life. Their every wish and desire revolves around the wishes and desires of their abuser; all in a vain attempt keeping peace and supporting their partner in their goals. Unfortunately by doing so, they become themselves, a willing victim or enabler of the abuser. The status of the abuser is elevated to such a point where the abuser believes they can do no wrong and indeed in their mind they have done NOTHING wrong. The enabler’s goal is to appease and facilitate the life of their abuser, no matter what the consequences to their own well-being or their sanity. While writing in this blog, the weight of the lies and the debilitation caused over the almost 30 years of deception with this man, the damage has become apparent to myself and to others that have known me over the years. The true freedom of speech has been the baring of the gory and sordid details, even though they demonstrate to the world of how absolutely gullible and foolish that I’ve been over the years. BTW – there are many more tales of woe to add to the Onion Boy series. Almost 30 years worth. But I’ll get to those. Wanting to give each situation the benefit of mention; you can understand that I have my work cut out for me at the computer desk. These long hours are nothing in the general scheme of things. Considerably longer and more painful were the evenings, pregnant and alone, waiting for my husband to come home from “god only knows where” and from screwing “god only knows who”. Well, I’m not god, nor to I profess to be any deity on any level. But I do know things now that shed a whole new light on this individual who was my high school sweetheart, my first love, my best friend, the husband of my only child and the master of my nightmare of a past.
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