Consistent Uncertainties

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The Exploits and Misadventures of Onion Boy – 8

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The layers of deception run deep; outwardly you would be none the wiser

Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…

While I was pregnant, there was a great excuse for if someone caught me crying at work or anywhere else for that matter, it was just my hormones kicking it up a notch. Unless they were close to me, there were many that didn’t know about O.B. and his shenanighans. To say I was embarrassed and ashamed by my circumstance would be a severe understatement. Not only did he NOT want anyone to know, which put up an emotional barrier between myself and my family, but he would be infuriated at the very thought of me divulging any information whatsoever. He got very good at passing information along that he had gotten from me. He would brazenly answer inquiries about my pregnancy primarily from our conversations or our quick interludes. None of it was first-hand knowledge gleaned by him being there in a physical and emotional sense during this time. He waltzed in whenever he wanted, and left again. Repeatedly. He would cry and carry on about his life being a shambles and not getting paid while doing his work. He left me to pay all the bills with the exception of the car payment which he graciously kept paying. So, let me paint this picture for you clearer so that you can understand it. He was working these crazy hours but not getting paid. He would, (I don’t want to call it sneaking but it was) come over for a rendevous or meal or whatever and then he would leave with the promises and the i love yous. I was understandably sick throughout the entire pregnancy. The stress level of bills to pay, husband not in the picture and child on the way, was undeniably the lowest point in my life…when really it should have been the happiest. For the record, there was never a child that was more loved than i love my child and if i had to do it all over again, I would.  I may however, in this journey of time machine and epic proportions, choose my partner more carefully. Nonetheless, I was left holding the ball. One day, (was around 6 months pregnant) I came home to find that the sheriff had tacked a notice on the apartment door…quite simply, I was being put out on the street because I was behind on the rent. My parents at this time, gave me the money needed to bring the rent up to current. (It’s ironic now, that he’s putting the story out there that he bailed me out of this mess with the rent when he was the cause of it). Anyway, that’s the way of the liar who finds it necessary to put others down in order to raise themselves in others eyes. No surprise there. I always played second fiddle to him throughout the marriage. I guess I was just in denial about it. I had to hit rock-bottom a few times with him to realize that he didn’t ever have my back. He was just really good at pretending. Getting off topic here. I called him about the sheriff’s notice that night when I got home. I was a mess. Crying and carrying on. He said he would take care of it…the days passed, at each inquiry i was told that he would look after it…At the nth hour, he told me that he had no money. None. Where was I to live? Even if my parents could (and did) help me out, how could i afford to stay in an apartment that it had taken a portion of both of our pays to cover? I didn’t want to leave the city and move home as a disgraced and woe-begone woman, a single mother. He discussed me living with his parents in the interim but would have to get back to me. He let me know a few days later that this would work okay and it was a good thing as I had only days to pack up the apartment by the time he let me know. I carted boxes, tape, packing materials home and began to pack up the shambles of a life that I had managed to hold on to. I often thought how convenient it was for him to go between the two women’s homes. He had left most of his clothes in our closet. He had left anything sentimental at our home. Basically, he took nothing along with him. I was left with the wedding gifts, the photo albums and collections, etc. All the things that when I looked around depressed the hell out of me. I realize now, how much of a power trip that he was on. To have control of the situation was his goal…his mandate. Even the part about moving to his parents home in the interim…which i did. Now I recognize this as a controlling behaviour meant to keep me in line and under the watchful eyes of his parents. I’m ashamed to let you know how completely relieved and grateful that i felt for them at the time.  How powerful he must of felt with two women (soon to be a third) clamoring to make him a part of their lives. To give a man who is not capable of love and committment our hearts and trust him with our well-being was nothing short of disaster and pain waiting to happen. How foolish and gullible we both were…..…good ol’ O.B. Whenever there’s a lie, he’s never far away. The truth is a delicate seed that if not given light will never grow to the surface.

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2 thoughts on “The Exploits and Misadventures of Onion Boy – 8

  1. Interesting that from March ’93 until well into September of that year; i was giving him $700 per month just to pay his half of the rent. Wonder where he spent all that since it obviously was not going to pay rent? Even prior to this in November of ’92, he was complaining that one of his jobs hadn’t paid him and that he was concerned about his mom and him being evicted from his apartment because he was behind on his rent…(remember his father is supposedly dead at this timeand I certainly was not aware that he had a pregnant wife in his apartment). It was later that I realized, he had lied about that as well. So prior to Christmas of ’92, I gave his $1700 to keep he and his mother from being evicted before the holidays. In between these dates, I also paid off an Amex card of his that had gone into deliquency to the tune of $3000 plus interest and penalties. I personally went down to the Amex head office to sit down with the associate in charge of the account and paid it off totally and rec’d the associate’s assurances that his personal credit rating would not be affected. Additionally, when the apartment was vacated due to the eviction, he suggested that an additional $1700 to cover his portion of the back rent owed would be helpful. Of course, I obliged, afterall I wasn’t aware of the level of deception at that time.

    One important note of mention: In the entire miserable time that we were together, I was never ever his employer or in control of any of his finances short of paying off his debts and guaranteeing his loans. There would be no possible way for me to hold back any finances. The pitiful reality is that he not only was controlling my life, but he was controlling my finances and had access to all my accounts and all my credit cards.

  2. Very nice article, thanks! I’ve subscribed to your RSS feed. Please keep up posting.

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