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Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…
After my wee one came home from the hospital should have been the happiest time of my life. My happiness, regardless, was there overshadowed by O.B.’s shenanighans. He always seemed able to take the wind out of my sails in those years; quite unlike the fellow I dated and married. At that time, he was the epitome of support, or so I was led to believe. It wasn’t until later that I knew how much he padded his actions and comments for his own benefit and in order to get me to do what he wanted as opposed to what I would have liked. All in the name of making a marriage work, or so I thought. That would have been well and good if his intentions and actions were honourable, however they weren’t. In the couple of weeks after the baby came home, he made a half-assed effort to be there. Staying nights and calling during the day, I was overcome with emotion. Wondering if he had finally made a decision to try to make things work. If that was the case, he never voiced that to me. Being afraid of losing him again, I felt obligated to service his needs. It made sex…um…if I said interesting, I’d be lying. With healing stitches and a dr’s warning about intercourse so soon, O.B. was eager to see how badly I wanted to keep him satisfied. I lived in the world of conditional love provided first hand by him. If I declined, it was assumed that he wouldn’t stay, so in the interest of love and whatever other emotion that was rattling around in my head, I allowed myself to participate in anal sex. Something that regardless of any circumstances always hurt me. He knew this, but was a more than eager participant. If I said I thought my head was going to explode from the pain, I wouldn’t be exaggerating. During those weeks of worrying about my new little one and dalliances of my husband, it looked like things might actually work out. He was a pretty good actor, still is in fact.
In that time, he raised my hopes to an all-time high. Until one morning, when I looked out the back door facing the yard only to see him scaling the fence in order to escape detection from his mistress. (or so he told me) I honestly believed him. The trouble is when you want to believe someone so badly, they have a proverbial noose around your neck and a clenching fist around your heart. Moreover, because he had been in my life for around 12 years at this time, I felt only I truly knew him inside and out. The irony is that he lets nobody completely in. Oh I heard all the lines, “You’re my rock, you keep me grounded” or “I feel like I can talk to you about anything”…LOL. Yeah right!!
It wasn’t long before he was gone again; off exploring “god only know what or who”. At that time, I was led to believe that his one and only indiscretion was with the person that I was aware of. Little did I know that she was fighting the same battle as I was only on a larger scale.
It was around this time that my parents came to visit and found out that my “til death do us part husband” was not living with me at his parents. So now not only did I have my emotions and those of his parents and those of O.B. AND looking after a newborn (my first and only), I now had the added burden that I had left my parents out of the loop and the guilt associated with that. O.B. did NOT want them to know because it somehow diminished him in their eyes…but the truth of the matter was that he was keeping all of his options open no matter what the emotional toll to those around him. My parents were understandably crushed and couldn’t believe that the man who had professed and illustrated his love over and over again in front of them could be capable of abandoning their daughter and a newborn. So, I guess he was right, it DID diminish who he was to them.
Poor O.B.! He was SUCH a victim. The only thing the women wanted in his life was an unconditional kind of love, the kind where there are no strings attached. He could always be counted on to regale his stories of how much a victim he was…and it truly worked. It worked on me and it still works today with other people.…good ol’ O.B. Whenever there’s a lie, he’s never far away. The truth is a delicate seed that if not given light will never grow to the surface.