Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…
My days spent with my daughter were and have continued to be the most amazing times that I have been privilegedto have with the exception of the last seven years in which I have had the joy of sharing those times with an amazing guy who takes the dramas from O.B. in stride. Thankfully. We are blessed, at long last, with some sanity in our lives. But, there was a road to be travelled long before this serenity kicked in.
In those days of baby formula and diapers, the dramas were at an all time high. Onion Boy’s parents were privy to much of it as I was currently living under their roof. Their story to me was one of immense displeasure that their son should treat the situation as such, with his absences and his lack of interest in his newborn child; not to mention his lack of regard for what they thought was important. Obviously, I found out much later that there were many things kept from me. Since the native language of Italian was used in many conversations around me, I picked up some Italian out of sheer protection. But….it wasn’t enough. If you’re in a situation such as this, your best course of action is to take a night school or correspondence language class. REALLY IMPORTANT! If I had been well versed in the language, you can bet your bottom dollar I would have been tipped off much sooner. Nevertheless, suffice it to say, that my daughter was my one ray of sunshine, and as no child should have to be, the one thing that honestly gave me pleasure. To see her grow and learn and explore was truly amazing.
Onion Boy was too caught up in his fabrications of lies and “work” that he missed the milestones that a parent shouldn’t miss. The first teeth, the first smile, first rollover, first creeping, first illness (thankfully none serious), first steps….you name it, he missed it. He was so uninvolved and non-caring that it floored me. I quite honestly thought in the years that I dated him, that he would make the best father in the world. My head literally spun with thoughts of “how could I have been so wrong” and I would constantly second-guess myself. In my mind, there was no way that I could have been so resolutely….wrong. But there it was, the proof in the proverbial pudding. An absent father who had most of the events relayed to him in our phone conversations. So desperate was I to have him in his daughter’s life, that when she started calling him by his first name, I would patiently correct her to refer to him as “daddy”. Absolutely positive was I, that his common sense and his responsibility and mostly “a love” would kick in at any moment. WRONG AGAIN!
There are so many instances where he should have and could have been involved on a deeper level. He made half-hearted efforts at meeting her mysteriously in the park with his mistress only after having called me at work to say “good morning”, I guess in an effort to make sure I was where I was supposed to be. Finding out after the fact, when my daughter would speak about meeting “new friends” at the park. Astonishing is the level of subterfuge as when I mentioned this to his father, he muttered something about some kids at the park. When I had asked her, I mentioned something about little kids and she shook her head “No”. Those visits were obviously for show and because his mistress demanded and persisted that he be a part of his daughter’s life. Visits that were no doubt a way to appease and gain more from the woman who he was financially draining of her resources and whom he felt held the financial key to his wealth and social climbing. We were all puppets…there I said it. Cruel but unfortunately true.
Occasionally he would drop in at his parents’, often when his daughter was already asleep. But he would come for another purpose. It was the only time that he could have me to himself and serve his own purposes. Keeping me on the string served many purposes, not the least of was keeping his parents happy and keeping me quiet…good ol’ O.B. Whenever there’s a lie, he’s never far away. The truth is a delicate seed that if not given light will never grow to the surface.
more Onion Boy to come….stay tuned