I often get msg’d with other people’s thoughts and life stories. And while glad to be someone that can share with others, sometimes it gets heavy. It takes me back. No matter how hard I dig my heels in; it always takes me back into the darkness and holds me there until I’m able to get my footing once again. Never take this as a disparaging note, for without my empathy, I think that my life would be shallow and meaningless in some regard.
This is not a complaint, just an observation of my own self and psyche. When this occurs, it becomes a battle within, one that I often have to step back from to see from an objective point of view. But these sad and despicable things that people do to another person make me physically sick. Emotionally tied up in knots…again. I feel the need to step away from it for a while so I can get my head around it and my foothold again. I’m not complaining; sometimes the need is too great and the problems too grievous to swallow whole. A little space and time is needed. My little meanderings on this blog are just my coping mechanism trying to get my head around stuff. Hopefully the blog can be something that somebody can use to grab hold of and pull themselves up. Something whereby they can find some light of compassion and possibly a glimmer of hope that they can use.
This blog has become my vehicle for the “dark passenger” of my own and hopefully it can be meaningful to others. While the subject matter is heavy and often dark; there is a place for it. Unfortunately. The words are often hard to read and the subject matter is easier to turn a deaf ear and blind eye to. But it’s important to know that abuses and manipulations or whatever darkness you are trying to conquer are all too common.
Empathy is a strange thing. It takes, takes, takes and then sometimes there’s a reprieve. The reprieve for me in all this is the kind words that I hear back. The words like “this blog has helped me more than you could know” or “I always thought I was alone”. For me that cuts to the chase. It takes me right back to where I know, with every fibre of my heart and sou,l that I need to carry on with this. Despite the threats and the manipulations, I MUST carry on. The clarity always comes when I least expect it. Once I climb back up again; I know that this is right and true. If I can help one single, solitary person overcome something that they’re struggling with…then my time spent here at the computer is time well-spent.
Am I a soft-touch? You’d better believe it. Life’s too short not to have compassion for others. Silly perhaps, to wear your feelings on your sleeve, but I guess that’s the way I’m wired. I probably would benefit greatly from developing a thicker skin. But alas, I haven’t. As my mother often says of our family…”our bladders are built too close to our eyes”….lol. For those of you who don’t know what that implies. I’m the one that cries at the card display ’cause there’s this really touching mother’s day card or something of that nature. Can’t help it, cause as I said before…I’m a soft touch. The one thing that I’ll say is that it does have a tendency to leave you wide open in times of conflict. For that reason, I guess I’m a work in progress. But I’m fine with that. I’d rather have more instead of less compassion. Sacrificing it for some hard shell that nobody can get through or ask for help isn’t really where I live. Enough of my ramblings~
So for now I bid all of you a fond adieu.
Have a good day and be kind. There’s a saying that goes something like this…”be kind, everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle”