Wouldn’t it be easier if every time someone lied their nose grew? Wishful thinking I know, but I can’t help but think how much simpler life would be in many instances AND how much less heartache and manipulation would be part of many peoples lives.
Really think about it for a second or two…how much long-term suffering and misunderstandings are a part of life and love. If you knew the score out of the gate?? I can’t help thinking that a little bit of truth in lieu of all that would make such a difference in the quality of life of all persons affected. Who wouldn’t be prepared for a little bit of hurt by the truth? Especially when you compare it to a destroyed life, dreams and hopes in tatters? Wouldn’t our kids be in a better place? Wouldn’t they be in a position to be more healthy, both emotionally and physically to cope with their own challenges in life when they come their way?
I think probably though, that to tell the truth to someone, you really have to respect them. You also have to know and be prepared for the fact that what you say might hurt them and they turn away from you for a while. When the fat lady sings though, hopefully they will look back on their lives and their relationship with you to know that what you did, you did out of kindness and love. Not out of malice or manipulation. It’s a tough road, I’ve run into it with friends who I’ve thought were adult enough and our relationship strong enough to support this way of thinking and to date am left wondering WTF happened. I’ve never been comfortable with not being able to be truthful. Unfortunately it seems that we’re hard-wired as humans to avoid the hard way. It’s much easier to shut one person out of your life than it is to re-think something painful. Deny, deny, deny. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Whenever I’m tempted to take the easy way, I can hear my mother saying that “anything worth having is worth working for”. There’s a big element of truth in that. The easy way seldom gleans anything half as rewarding as something that you’ve poured your heart and soul into.
Any when you’re talking about human nature and dealing with people, the respect issue becomes larger than life. Anyone who holds back the truth from someone that they love or had a relationship with either as a friend, family or lover, knows that not telling the truth is kinda like having a 500 lb gorilla in the room with you. So why do we do it? Probably because it’s easier for us not to get involved. To get involved means that you have to expend some of your own energies and feelings. Perhaps we feel it would be an inconvenience and that if we leave it alone then it’ll go away. There’s also the pat answer that it’s “none of our business”. But it IS our business when we’re affected by it or when our comrades, family or otherwise are going through a difficult time. I mean, what the heck is compassion and empathy for if we don’t get to use the darn things??
Sorry, I’m ranting again. I swear I can’t help it. Obviously this is something that sticks in my craw. Why don’t people realized that truth and respect and love…all of the three, go hand in hand. Not separate. It’s not like you’re going to the restaurant and you want to substitute low-fat salad dressing. It’s certainly not like a pizza joint where you can tell them to hold the olives…it’s all or nothing folks.
End of rant. 🙂
Be kind and understanding in your life with those that are dealing with life but temper those same actions with truth. Not your version of the truth…just THE truth. Leave behind your suppositions and your biases. Nothing but the facts ma’am. It’s a slippery slope and god only knows, I seem to find myself on that slope time and time again. (you’d think I’d learn by now). The older I get the more intolerance that I have for someone who just tells you what THEY think you want to hear. The “yes” men in our lives (i’m talking women here too folks) have less and less of a place in my life. In a nutshell, I feel the need to clear the bullshit content and cut to the chase more and more as each year passes. Perhaps I’m getting intolerant in my life. Not sure what it is. There’s no room for crap. Life’s just too darn busy and I find myself in a much better place without it. How ’bout you?