Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.

Some thoughts….

Growing up in a small rural community in Ontario did not prepare me for the adventures that the big city were going bring me….when i use the word adventure, i mean it as a wholly inclusive word and as such i would lump the good,the bad and ugly all together. Raised by both parents and having 5 siblings, I guess after a fashion, prepared me for the hustle bustle of the city. There were always things going on that added to the intrigue of family life. Keep in mind, my idea of intrigue as a kid, was playing hide-and-seek in the cornfield with siblings and neighbours. You can bet that with 6 kids there was always a fair amount of action in and around our home. With well-adjusted parents to guide us; we were in a good place, emotionally and physically.

Then enter a person who captured my heart and unravelled my sense of self-worth. There was good early on. I had the good fortune to meet great people through my work and social circles; some friendships have come and gone but there are some that keep in touch yet. My ex…..well…..i guess i’m just gonna call him the bad and the ugly, unfortunately the good times we had once shared have long since been overshadowed by the hurt and pain he caused.

While that chapter of my life has blessedly passed on, i find that i am most definitely a product of that portion of my life spent with him. While that could mean good things or bad things; i count the good things first and foremost. I have a courageous, witty, amazing daughter. We have been lucky to have found a great guy to share our lives with. For my daughter this means a father-figure that will listen to her glories and woes on any day of the week, a place to seek advice, a step-dad who cares. For me, it’s like a calm beach after a terrible storm. Breathing deeply and savouring it; when before you couldn’t because you were tied up in knots and it hurt to breathe. I’m thankful that life’s path has brought us together. ❤

As far as the bad things go, I find as each year passes, it hurts less. I find more and more that there’s one emotion that i have consistently carried for my ex…..it’s pity.  To have lived his life the way he has, he will always have to look over his back to see if the past is going to catch up with him. Pity, that he could have strived to be an honourable man, instead of the sorry excuse of a human he has turned out to be. Adultery, emotional/physical abuse, fraud, theft and a life more full of lies than truth; yes…. i pity him. His life is pathetic.

Ever grateful to be removed from that part of my life; I press on. The healing has allowed me to re-discover my worth as a person. I am now able to say that I AM worthy of love and respect and trust. All the things that make up a good relationship. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point in my life and I’ve meandered my way through many emotional hardships only to discover that I’ve come full circle. Life’s kinda funny that way. 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Some thoughts….

  1. Keep working ,splendid job!

  2. If GUIDO is your X then my heart goes out to you …..

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