Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.


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The Puppeteer And His Posse

Abuse is kind of like a puppet held in place by a string. Your puppeteer has a firm hand, a voice that projects itself into your mind and then there’s the game-playing that can literally make you dance to  their song. If the puppeteer is really good, you don’t even notice the strings. It’s all an act. One that you’re caught up in. The strings keep you tied to the hope of what was once what you believed your reality was. The sad reality is that broken strings would be in a sense, a reprieve, but you can’t move your hands to untie the knots. You’re caught up in a vicious circle of mental flip-flopping. Where will I go? What will I do? How will I manage?

There’s a kind of “black and white” value that is present when there’s physical, financial and sexual abuse.  There’s a trail. Whether it’s a paper trail or a physical sign; they leave their indelible mark. It’s a much clearer picture. It’s much harder to define, evaluate and get validation for the abuses caused by manipulation, lies, and deceit. In small doses, you’d probably have a difficult time identifying these factors as abuse or chalking them up to life’s ups and downs with a spouse. It would be just a transition in most cases. Brought on by difficult times or stressors.

When the isolated experiences are cemented in place by years; they develop into a pattern.  A repeat offender, so to speak. Continue reading

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Stewed Onions

Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep. – Carl Sandburg

Onions. They seem pretty harmless. Lots can be said about these little guys. I love symbolism and imagery, in case that one happened to slip by you. The life I shared with a sociopath reminded me so much of the characteristics of an onion that I named several posts with that in mind. If you haven’t taken the time to read “The Exploits and Misadventures of Onion Boy” series on this blog, then feel free to do so. It’s hard to follow and out of sequence. But admittedly the jumbled mess that was my life has left me scrambling to seek answers. I guess in part that’s the reason for the chaos in the numbering of the sequences. Some day, I’ll re-write them and put them in order, but for now hopefully it’ll be ok.

But back to the onions and how they relate to life. It’s ironic Continue reading


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Cast A Positive Light

Pretty flowers…but a pretty important message.

Sometimes I like to post something that’s a little more upbeat and positive. The subject matter is sometimes very heavy and dark on this blog. It’s important to let the light in from time to time and make sure that there is some equilibrium. The good with the bad. It keeps us sane and grounded; nobody wants to hear the bad all the time. It just drags you down and keeps you there. I prefer to reach for the sunlight from time to time like a flower in a garden. Corny, but true.

I’ve been a big fan of history tho’ it wasn’t a strong suit in school. I truly believe it’s important to always remember where we’ve been, what we’ve done, in order to know where we’re headed.

Whether it changes the path of humankind to know the events of the past, I’m not sure. Continue reading


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Behind The Curtain

Conscience is the window of our spirit, evil is the curtain — Doug Horton

Those of us who’ve been around a sociopathic individual or two in our lives know exactly what this quote means. Conscience is like a clear window; unobstructed. Most of are very conscious of our conscience. Then you have the mind of the sociopath and  all bets are off. They hide behind the curtain of normalcy. It’s ironic that many people still believe that a sociopath is either an ax murderer or a drooling, obviously insane person who can’t cope. Nothing….nothing could be further from the truth.

Most sociopaths are very intelligent…and seldom pick up an axe other than to chop wood. A sociopath would much rather have someone else chop their wood…because something like that might just be something they consider beneath them. However, they are certainly not opposed to making their “subjects”  feel like they’re minimal.

Don’t get me wrong, the sociopathic personality is very charming until Continue reading


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Victims Recruited On Facebook

Using phony identities, victims are often flattered or intrigued into meeting the person that they’re chatting with.

Are you keeping an eye on your kids as they surf the net, tweet on Twitter, post on Tumblr and “poke” their friends on Facebook?

Here are some troubling facts about human trafficking. As a mom with a teenager in the house, I find these facts and figures are staggering and far past troubling. I’ve often thought that if you give your kids enough of the right life lessons at home, while they’re in school AND if you get really lucky, you’ll emerge with a teen that’s kind of got their crap together. When I think of Continue reading


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Relinquishing Control

My posts and the comments of the last few days have got me thinking again as they often do.

Apologies to you all. Fasten your seat belts and put your helmets on, you’re about to be audience to my ramblings once again.

I went back into the days and times, which I don’t like to do, but I feel I must for the sake of this blog and for information’s sake. Always having been a thinker, it’s not surprising I guess. Oh, I just don’t think though, I ponder and then when you think that a matter couldn’t be pondered anymore, then I turn it over again and look at it from another vantage point. I’m a little bit nutty that way. So suffice it to say, that when a decision needs to be made or a thought needs to be voiced Continue reading


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Embracing Choice

Hello friends, it’s been quite some time since i wrote something a little more personal. Sometimes, it’s easier to write about others and their troubles and remove yourself from the spotlight to regroup. Maybe you won’t want to read, maybe you will. Maybe it’ll mean something to you or maybe it’ll just be the ramblings of some stranger. I happened across this saying on a facebook friend’s status and found myself (internally) pumping fist in the air and shrieking at the top of my lungs (again internally) the words “DAMN STRAIGHT!!” in reaction to the “I Choose” spiel that i had just read. But then, i began to think to myself that there was some sort of cosmic pull or some time shift (sorry, admitted trekkie fan over here) holding me back. Realizing that it was my inner self ruining my “AHA” moment, i felt myself getting superbly pissed of at my overzealous psyche horning in on all those warm and fuzzy feelings. But then, like a punch in the gut, Continue reading