Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.

The Exploits and Misadventures of Onion Boy – 03

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The layers of deception run deep; outwardly you would be none the wiser

Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…

This installment of the O.B. saga took place in late November/early December 1999.We had been in “touch” only over our daughter for the last 3-4 months. He hadn’t been living with us, in fact never lived under the roof with us after his daughter was born.  We won’t count the occasional stay overnight and hopping the fence in the backyard to escape the prying eyes of mistress number one as co-habitation. It was merely a way of keeping me on the hook for “god only knows what”. During this 3-4 months sojourn, I dated a few guys, nothing long term; just got out there in the world again. It was good; I felt alive again for the first time in years. Valid, sexy, intelligent; whatever. I loved being a mom, always did. It had absolutely nothing to do with my “mom” feelings for they were amazing in their own right. Feeling adored or wanted by a man was a feeling that I missed; it was as simple as that. Somewhere in this time; enter O.B. with his “poor me” attitude and his need to rain on anything positive that I had going in my life. Probably due to the fact that he enjoys misery…mostly other people’s…I think, because it makes him feel good about himself when others are miserable. I can remember numerous times when I’d be desolate and crying; he would say “what are you crying for” as he’s walking out the door for the two-hundredth time. All the while, promising me that he’d sort his shit out soon and we’d be a family again. Well, during a phone conversation, he told me he couldn’t stand the thought of me with another man. I thought to myself, he was the one that could have changed that but he didn’t. It went on like this for the next couple of weeks. One night he called me from his parent’s home. He must have been feeling particularly sorry for himself that night…or his plans got cancelled, OR he had an agenda. More likely the latter of the three. Anyway, because he had so played on my hopes of a reunion, he knew absolutely what buttons to push…and my buttons were HUGE, absolutely gargantuan by this time in our relationship. He played me like a fiddle in that conversation. Crying and carrying on about how he wanted a new start and he didn’t know where to even begin because so much crap had happened to us. I fell for it…HOOK, LINE and SINKER. It wasn’t until much later that I found out at this time, mistress number one had kicked him out (the one he was living with and beating the crap out of unbeknownst to me) and he was hooked up with number three…where she was, I had no idea. Maybe I was just the one who was always available; the proverbial mat to wipe his feet on. We agreed that perhaps we could try again, but he explained (through tears), that he still had some garbage to clean up with regarding work and financial ties with woman #1 and would I wait for him to do this?…What else could I say, I still loved him, he was the father of my child and my highschool sweetheart…it apppeared for all  intents  and purposes he was being sincere and genuine…I said yes.

That Christmas was the first Christmas since the crap all began that I felt like we were a family. I got diamond earrings from him, my first gift from him in a long time. Later after more shit surfaced, I gave those earrings to my neighbour because she liked them and I didn’t want any part of anything else that he gave me. Never wore them. I soon found out why he was playing me again…but that’s another story for another day. Stupid I was, but no longer. O.B. will never again have that kind of hold on me. EVER.

Needless to say, we never got back together, he kept me on the ropes for some time yet. It seemed like there was always a convenient excuse or lie or whatever why it couldn’t happen at any particular time…good ol’ O.B. Whenever there’s a lie, he’s never far away. The truth is a delicate seed that if not given light will never grow to the surface.

Welcome to my life with Onion Boy! – stay tuned for much more.

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