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Random snippets of real life drama with an ex-husband who lived to lie and cheat and cover his tracks and situations where he financially, emotionally and physically abused. As in many things in life, the truth was buried…buried deep within the layers of the infamous cheater who we will call Onion Boy (O.B. for short). We will strip away the layers for all to see the loser is not the victim but the man who believes he can lie so well that he will never be caught…
Over the span of the following months, it was a constant roller coaster of emotion. Not only was I pregnant with my first (and only) child, I was dealing with a man for all intents and purposes appeared to be unable to make up his mind. Did he want to be married with me or did he want a life with his mistress?I was constantly pulled this way and that on an emotional sense. There were nights spent waiting for a man who sometimes came home and other times did not. Some mornings as the sun came up, I realized that I should be getting ready to go to work. So I did. The nights that should have been spent with a loving husband feeling the baby move and excitedly discussing the coming years, eluded me. His explanation was the same one that I’d been offered for some months at this point. He had been working for his mistress, his earnings were being withheld from him due to her displeasure with our current situation. He often mentioned that he tap-danced around her due to a concern he had about her mental well-being. He, on numerous occasions, dropped little tidbits when I would see her car drive by or she happened to be nearby when we went together somewhere as a couple. He explained this to me as being a victim of a stalker; wherever he went, she was bound to follow. When I asked him why, it was the simple explanation that she was crazy and vindictive. In retrospect, I know that probably the same story was offered to others about me on more than the occasion opportunity. This afforded him the “poor me” scenario that kept his women baited and ready to fight for his honour. This so-called honour was more than happy to keep myself and mistress number one hating or at least questioning each other’s motives. Why, you might ask. The simple answer to this is that if you keep your “factions” arguing or fighting or whatever then it will keep them apart. The opportunity to get together and put both sides of the story together never arises if the “enemies” perceive each other as a threat. This was his safeguard and kept him free to explore new avenues where he could escape the heat, if only briefly. Even when he proposed to be working, his whereabouts were up for debate. Now in retrospect, I know why he had so little time and so little respect for me during that time. The hard core truth of the matter is that he learned at some point during our journey together that I had more respect for him than I had for myself. He was more than happy to use this repeatedly to his advantage. Surely a man who always professed to want to be a father would find the time to feel his child’s first movements or go along on dr’s app’ts. But of course, he couldn’t, for he had professed that he wasn’t – couldn’t be – the father of this child. Pretty much left me carrying the ball (baby) – pun intended. Anyway, my solitary life as a first time mom was a roller coaster of emtoions.
My nights, if I slept were interrupted nights of horrific nightmares and crying jags. But we survived to go on to the next day. My work was thankfully busy and it filled my time during the days. Working late occasionally also helped me escape the phone calls and the guilt trips at least for a while….…good ol’ O.B. Whenever there’s a lie, he’s never far away. The truth is a delicate seed that if not given light will never grow to the surface.
Stay tuned – much more Onion Boy to come!