Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.

Victoria’s Secret

I received this comment on a post. While lengthy, I felt it was very important to feature this woman’s story. It is my hope that she will return to the blog as I think it is integral to her healing process or perhaps it is just a time for her to reflect on things. Whatever her reason, I think that it’s vital that women understand how easily we can fall prey in these situations and I thank Victoria for sharing her comments with us. I am hopeful that she returns to the blog; it sounds like she has so much to share.

I feel foolish putting this comment on a blog however I felt strongly that I should. Naive as I was with men; I was a successful, independent business woman. My relationship began on the last weekend of summer in 1992 on a hot, muggy day. This was the start of a seven year nightmare filled with romance at the beginning and quickly turning into a web of deceit, physical/mental abuse, fraud and theft. I was on my back home from work, stuck in traffic. I had the sun-roof open and I was soaking up the sun. A voice startled me and I looked through the passenger window.There was a man in an old, beaten up cube van signaling me to roll down my window. I did, not giving any thought, and not knowing this would be the beginning to end of my loss of innocence, self-worth, self-esteem and my livelihood.

He wondered if I knew what the traffic was all about and I said that I had no idea. I quickly rolled up my window, now very self-conscious as I was aware he was watching me from his vehicle. Again, he motioned to me, I rolled down the window again.There’s an accident up ahead and we could be stuck here a while…I thanked him, he smiled and I rolled up my window again.

The traffic as it turned out started to move soon after that; but I was getting nervous because he kept abreast of me in the traffic. I worried that soon I would be close to home and I lived alone; maybe he was some lunatic. I sped up dangerously and began to weave in and out of traffic to lose him but I remember feeling quite impressed that he could keep up to me in that old clunker he was driving. He came up beside me and motioned for me to roll down my window again. At this time, we were doing about 140km/hr as he held up his cell phone and started giving me the phone number with his other hand. Reckless as he was, he did not strike me as a mass murderer, so I called his number to tell him to leave me alone. I told him that he was scaring me and please leave me alone. He said he would, if I promised to meet him for coffee or dinner next week; he said he was not going to take no for an answer. Adding, that he was not going to let the most beautiful woman he had seen in his life slip away without at least sitting down with him and getting to know her. He drove away after I promised him that I would call him the following week.

I was driving down a street on the Wednesday of the next week and who do I see walking along the road. I thought perhaps this was fate intervening as we know happens in the movies. I found out later that he lived on this street, in fact only two streets away from my place. Feeling adventurous, I dialed his number. We spoke on the phone frequently after that point. We spoke on the phone for a month everyday; on his way to work and on his way back from work. The days turned into weeks and I got numerous calls; he would leave me these romantic good morning messages on his way to work Over that month I had the most romantic time without even meeting the man. He made sure not to push me into a meeting till I was ready and comfortable to meet him.

Just over a month and hundreds of phone calls later, I was ready to meet. I felt safe and was ready to meet my romantic prince. I still choose a public place to be sure. We went to a Denny’s restaurant and he truly swept me off my feet. He was waiting there with flowers and said all the things even the most jaded woman would believe. I had never dated before, I married and divorced very young and came from a very sheltered home. Obviously I was no match for this slick Romeo. I will never forget how he put all the sugar from the dispenser on the table and wrote I LOVE YOU in the sugar. He proceeded to inform me that it was love at first sight and he would be willing to go to jail if that was what it took to get a chance to know me. Be honest…… do you think I stood a chance?…

More to come!

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10 thoughts on “Victoria’s Secret

  1. Good job. I¡¯m definitely going to bookmark you!

  2. And here I was, none the wiser. Guess I know now I have a good answer as to why our cell phone bills were through the roof. The common answer I got is that it was a client from work having trouble that he needed to get sorted out. Trusted him so much at this point that I never looked into detailed billed on the cell phone. DUMB. DUMB. DUMB. This is why the “Informant” on is so great. If you know something is up, you can tell that person anonymously. You can also scan a copy of a phone bill into the site and send that! Probably would have saved a world of heart if this site was around then.

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  9. A POEM …

    I expected …
    A husband who respected and protected me. Provided for me. Cherished and loved me.
    A friend who wanted to spend time with me and who enjoyed my company.
    A partner that would, without thinking, always put my needs above the needs of other’s.
    A caring lover who was faithful and wanted only me. No other’s. No Lover’s.
    I thought that’s what marriage was.
    I imagined …
    Roads we’d travel, journey’s we’d share, the lifetime together we’d enjoy – All hand-in-hand.
    A home full of laughter and love. The spontaneous silly you! The dances. The songs.
    (Your oh so quick wit. I used to LOVE you making me laugh).
    I imagined reciprocation: respect, love, support, caring, sharing.
    I never imagined they’d not be reciprocated or that you’d be kinder to a complete stranger.
    I thought …
    You’d always have respect & true appreciation for my honesty, faithfulness, integrity.
    My kindness, selflessness, intelligence and many skills that make me special.
    Yes, I thought you’d show gratitude – on occasion.
    No, I never thought I’d be the door mat under your feet.
    I hoped …
    That the twinkle in your eyes for me, would never diminish and you’d always be kind.
    That you would always want to make me happy and would never enjoy making me cry.
    That you’d never do anything to physically harm me and would hurt anyone who did.
    That you would be honest with me and about me, always. I was wrong.
    My reality …
    On any given day I might get your anger or your cold shoulder.
    Your intensity or your scarcity. Your silence or your loudness.
    Your spiteful & hateful tongue. Your name calling & contempt.
    Your disrespect and bullying. Your narcissistic one-way-street.
    On a bad day; Despicably. Verbally, emotionally, physically.

    (And you say that I’ve changed – that I’m not the woman that you married anymore?!)

    My future – alone …
    For a while – but I’ll not be lonely. Alone – I will find solace and healing.
    The weight I’ve gained (because I sought comfort in food) – I’ll lose.
    The friends and family that I distanced myself (and the negativity) from – I’ll gain back.
    The financial stress and disastrous lack of control in my own destiny – I will control.
    The disorder, disorganization, mess and clutter – will be gone.
    The low self-esteem, worthlessness, ugliness and inadequacies that I feel – will be replaced.
    Instead, I’ll be content, confident and caring in a world I’ll chose to fill with positive things:
    Joy, love, happiness, laughter to name but a few.
    I’ll be 100% ME again – like the me that you fell in love with.
    I’ll find the good in life again. My soul will be revived.
    And that is my future – alone – for a while.

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