Consistent Uncertainties

Never underestimate your power to heal with a kind smile or hurt with a simple word.

For Laci

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As I was out Christmas shopping this season, I dropped in to a local favourite video and book store that we enjoy going to as a family. My target was something special for my daughter to unwrap on Christmas morning. I had been in the store all of 30 seconds when I passed by a book shelf with some older books in it. One book in particular practically jumped off the shelf and into my hands. It was some other-worldly pull that made me unable to leave that particular book at the store. The book was called “For Laci” and it was written by Sharon Rocha (Laci’s mom). The Laci and Connor Peterson story never fails to have the power to move me. This book chronicles Sharon’s love of her daughter, her quest to find her and her grandson and learning to cope with their untimely and wrongful death at the hands of her son-in-law Scott Peterson. I think the reason that I was drawn to this book is not only that I lived with a man who was strikingly similar to Scott Peterson; but that there were times when I thought that I was particularly vulnerable when I was pregnant with my daughter. It was an underlying fear that I just couldn’t get my head around at the time. I have since and now I know that was my gut saying “HEY, something’s really wrong here!” There has not been a Christmas eve since Laci’s story came to light, that I have not thought of her, her life and her final hours.

In the front of the book, her mother has included a poem:


I am embraced in love and light,

And my baby is embraced by me

God’s loving arms, they hold us now

For all eternity

Remember the laughter we shared

Please keep laughing,

I still laugh with you

No more sleepless nights, Mom

Please rest for me

In the morning I’ll be there

Rising with the sun

I am in your soul

I am your sunlight

I am the rays that break through

Mom, please understand

I do this now for you

My smile, he could not take from me

My smile that graces the screen

It’s your smile, Mom…

It’s your smile now they see

For all I’ve become

It’s because of you

You’ve allowed the world to see

Your hope, your tears,

And now,

My spirit soaring free

It’s in our smile, Mom

It’s yours, it’s mine

Please, keep smiling for me

Adapted from a poem written by Carole Bruzzano and read by Sandy Rickard at Laci and Connor’s memorial service on Laci’s twenty-eighth birthday (May 4, 2003)

Once again this Christmas eve 2009, my thoughts have drifted back to 2002, to another place and another time. A place where Laci is holding and cherishing her happily awaited, newborn son.

Coming soon.

Working toward a better future!


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